Blue

Um, no se

2008-11-08T15:55:00.000-05:00

Queria crear un blog nuevo porque siento que ando en una metamorfosis constante y prefiero empezar de cero a hacer una mezcolanza de capas incoherentes que terminan formando algo muy guachafo....pero opte por lo guachafo porque me dio flojera crear otro.

Ahora solo quiero escribir como hablo....que fluyan las palabras, sin editar, sin hacer esto algo muy tedioso de leer, sin copiar y pegar trabajos de universidad o poemas de hace 3 anios, sin hacer trampa....(se acaba de meter mi distraccion al MSN)

En fin, es raro como ando en una introspeccion constante y sigo sin conocerme. Me sorprendo....me amo, me odio, me aburro....quiero dejar de escribir porque a quien le va a interesar esto :S

Mejor sigo otro dia....

pd - Gracias Andrea, por alzarme el animo xq asi me animaste a escribir....solo que parece q otra vez bajaron :S

Goodbye

2008-03-03T02:13:00.002-05:00

ESTA ES LA CANCION #4 QUE ESCRIBI PARA "BONES PARADE", LA BANDA EN LA QUE CANTO - WWW.MYSPACE.COM/BONESPARADEROCK - A VECES SE TIENE Y NO SE QUIERE DECIR ADIOS.

GOODBYE

VERSE 1

Lost inside your eyes baby, made me an appendix of your life,

Love was at first sight and never on my side.

Gave you all I had to give, strive to make you understand,

Had me weak all through the week best to be numb to feel alright.

PRE-CHORUS

The dream is over

Windows shut, curtains closed, doors locked.

Silence and darkness

In your eyes, in your touch, let me go.

Don’t make it longer,

‘Cause it’s hard, as it is, baby.

Not one last kiss,

It’s goodbye, and you chose, what it is.

CHORUS

Time to pack our bags

Walk and don’t look back,

Reach the greener grass.

You out of my mind.

VERSE 2

Begged me once I thought it true i longed the words you said to me,

Must have forgotten that your love was never on my side.

Gave you all I had to give, strive to make you understand,

Had me weak all through the week best to be numb to feel alright.

PRE-CHORUS

The dream is over

Windows shut, curtains closed, doors locked.

Silence and darkness

In your eyes, in your touch, let me go.

Don’t make it longer,

‘Cause it’s hard, as it is, baby.

Not one last kiss,

It’s goodbye, and you chose, what it is.

CHORUS

Time to pack our bags

Walk and don’t look back,

Reach the greener grass.

You out of my mind.

SOLO

CHORUS

The dream is over

Your eyes are gone

Goodbye my love

Goodbye.

Goodbye (x4)

CHORUS

Time to pack our bags

Walk and don’t look back,

Reach the greener grass.

You out of my mind.

Love Desire

2008-03-02T22:10:00.000-05:00

Love Desire

I’m inspired by your love tonight,

Your bright soul emancipates the anger inside.

Hard times go, hard times come;

Time goes by and I’m still alone,

Craving for your soul to bring

The pain abroad.

Set me free,

Unchain me,

Release the pain I feel tonight

…for not having you in my arms.

Lady of the Night

2008-03-02T22:07:00.000-05:00

Lady of the Night

Lady of the night

I can hear your smile.

I can sense your soul

Sleeping in the cold.

You thought you got rid of the noise

Just by hiding from it all,

But everything came back to you

When you found yourself alone.

No comfort inside,

No shoulder to cry on.

A search for peace of mind

and nothing to rely on.

You seek help with a laugh,

Human contact to feel alive.

Too many worthless tries,

You feel you are going to die.

Lady of the night,

I love you,

So tell me what to do

For the darkness not to consume you.

We could trick the shady night,

Forget about time

By staying up all night

Until the sun comes up;

Hold hands and jump,

Slide.

Kiss hello, not goodbye,

And dance.

Natalia García Morales-Bermúdez

23 Agosto, 2007

1:22AM

Entre Gritos Desesperados

2008-03-02T22:03:00.001-05:00

Entre Gritos Desesperados

Entre gritos desesperados escucho tu silencio,

Aquel silencio que me enamora,

Silencio que dirige mi atención a tus ojos,

Ojos que reflejan tus verdades más íntimas,

Verdades descubiertas que me impulsan a amarte una vez más.

La batalla terminó en tus brazos,

Y en ellos encontré razón.

El regocijo desvaneció el tiempo,

Y al separarnos el amor nos traicionó.

Y ahora que no estamos ni somos,

Necesito más que nunca de tus besos;

Aquellos besos cálidos de amantes ocultos

Que se encuentran de noche en un rincón

Escondiéndose entre el fuego y la pasión.

Llevo tu corazón conmigo,

Y aunque estés muy lejos

Y lleves contigo el mío,

El recuerdo permanecerá siempre vivo.

Y entre gritos desesperados escucho tu silencio,

Aquel silencio que me destruye,

Silencio que dirige mi atención a la soledad,

Soledad que refleja mis verdades más íntimas,

Verdades descubiertas que me impulsan a llorar una vez más.

Natalia García Morales-Bermúdez

23 de Agosto del 2007

4:58pm

Pulgas

2007-10-30T23:57:00.000-04:00

Pequenias pulgas escabullidizas, husmeando entre mis sabanas en busqueda de un cuerpo inmovil que respira. En jaque esperan pacientes, saboreando ya el metalico gusto que les aguarda. Excitadas y en deleite carcomen el denso y deslizante metal intravenoso; oxidado y cansado del dia a dia.

Un signo de alabanza? Anhelan mi fortaleza y la toman, y derrumbandome bruscamente escupen sobre mi sangre derramada. Satisfechas se van y olvidan sus debilidades conmigo. Al extraniarme vuelven mas tarde, malacostumbradas a mi gran capacidad de reciclaje sanguineo. Mi cuerpo confundido, cansado, e inmovil las deja pasar sin recordar el dolor una vez sufrido.

Labyrinth's End

2007-10-18T02:59:00.000-04:00

Note to Reader: Things aren't always autobiographical. Sometimes they are just stories. Thanks and enjoy if you are able,

Natalia.

It is haunting me. It is coming, I know it is. I have seen it outside standing by the front door: static but ready, decided but dubious; you see it?

It had been warning me all along: it was everywhere. I don’t know why I acted so irrational when it finally consumed me, leaving nothing but dust behind, I mean, I had seen it coming since the day I was born, you know?

I worked so hard not to think of it that it defeated the purpose: the more I tried not to, the more I thought of it, just like every memory you want to forget badly enough as to end up turning it into a constant reminder. It was these unwanted, constant reminders that dragged me down Insanity Rd. and into the dark gap of the brain where all disturbing memories fall. I was lost in a vast, pitch dark hole surrounded by all the resented memories of my cruel life. I gathered them all, one by one; I embraced them, brought them out of the hole with me and practiced them with others as to not be ashamed of myself: all except for the one that terrified me the most, the one I worked the hardest not to think of, and even though I tried to bury it for good, I was still horrified of it on my better days, and I must admit that, on the worse ones, I still craved it, but my body resisted to invite it anyway.

Experiencing new things was always my main interest; you know, exploring the unexplored, seeing the unseen, hearing the unheard - those sorts of amazing events that only happen if you are or seek to be in the right place at the right time. You can distinguish their superb magnitude because you and your body react to it frenetically and simultaneously.

It’s easy to recognize the moment your body finds something (or someone) fascinating: your heart starts pounding, your jaw drops - and you know you can’t fight the feeling, - I mean really, sometimes you can’t control the way your body responds. And you recognize you, [insert your name and last name here], have found something fascinating because you stare at the object of your excitement, study it, and enjoy it in silence, shameless, without any bodily interruptions.

What I’m trying to say is that new experiences cause in me, as they may in you, simultaneous mental and physical fascination: my ultimate, most desired pleasure. Dazzling happiness reflected in an astonished smile, shock and satisfaction spilling out my furiously-pounding heart - is what I’m talking about. Why didn’t my mind and body react this way to a potential new experience? The thought of it certainly didn’t cause any pleasure in me; it didn’t excite or fascinate me, I mean, it did make my body react but not in a pleasurable way: it didn’t meet any of the characteristics experiencing something new causes in me, not before and not at the time it happened; maybe and most likely because I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know what would happen after, when the action was completed, or how to take advantage of that experience after it was over.

Oh, you mystically tempting and frightening evil force! Laughing at the lonely fools you get to terminate. You know I dreaded you like the majority of us sane ones, so why did you take me with you? How could you invade the privacy of my home? But I guess it’s too late for questions now, I must rest in peace, and don’t you people worry for my soul, for it will be haunting you like death was me.

I am coming, you know I am. You have seen me outside, standing by the front door: static but ready, decided but dubious; you see me?

Awakening Death

2007-10-16T19:24:00.000-04:00

Dreams - What are they if not a recreation of reality in the most outrageous kinds of ways - your mind playing tricks on you, tempting you to dive in. Well let me tempt you to dive in.

Dreams: a fusion of reality and mental state - chaotic disturbance in head lead for paranoia and chaos in dream.

On the verge of death I stood, unable to keep my balance - a physical hesitation between life and death. I looked into the Pacific Ocean petrified of the wild waves hammering the rocky mount on which I stood: waves crashing at my feet, about to devour me into their despair.

The sea had made its way through the sound of desperate souls begging, crying, blow-jobbing for salvation, swallowing the lives left in them, and now the inharmonious sound of desperation had ceased, but the anxiety prevailed in those who were fast enough to climb onto the rocky mount in an attempt to deceive the sea and its force. Being fast would not save me from this one – the sea was fighting me, it wanted to absorb me into its passionate disgust.

I was struggling to hold all of us together: trying to hold on to my own life and that of the supposed weaker others was not an easy task. We had all made it to the mount; we all contemplated in awe the fear of the victims when giving in to the waters, unable to keep fighting its force. We all saw in their deaths our near future, and we were losing hope. Some of the fastest ones that climbed onto the rocky mount with us had already been sucked into the frantic sea, which tide was growing faster and faster, covering the rocky mount where we were standing and making us seem like ants on pebbles from afar.

Thinking without time for it, crying without consolation, screaming without ears to hear us, we awaited death. There was nowhere to be safe, nowhere to hide, nothing to do but to stand still on those rocks holding on to each other. We were stuck in my unconscious head waiting for my body to awaken to save us from the high tides, and as we set our horrified eyes on the wave that would swipe us into the sea I woke up to the silence of my bedroom, contemplating the pacific ocean of clothes surrounding my bed.

And so is MY <3 a Crash Pad

2007-10-12T12:11:00.000-04:00

And so is my heart a crash pad
A transient hotel or a men's shelter
There when convenient, a form of welfare
Better than the street in winter for
A hot bath, no fleas, a slow
Blow-job with appropriate drugs
"I love you" the token charge?

Excerpt of Rene Ricard's love poem And So Is My Heart a Crash Pad

Comienzo con Broche de Oro

2007-10-04T00:00:00.000-04:00

En dias como estos no me siento azul.

Me siento roja.

Pero sigo sintiendome defraudada.

La lechuza no ha parado de advertir. Estuvo hoy junto a mi carro, gritando a mi oido por la rendija de mi ventana al unisono del viento, y yo ignorandola, cantando a todo pulmon una cancion de James Brown. Te imaginaba haciendo tu paso ochentero favorito, y yo riendome contigo y dandote la mano con un beso. Que cursi. Creo que por eso la lechuza sigue cantando por la ventana de mi habitacion oscura y desordenada, sigue advirtiendo.

Como si yo no anduviera ya advertida.

Ingenua.